Last week I joined a very special Wake up Mindfulness & self compassion retreat @ Eiab in Waldbröl Germany. This was my first retreat with people from my own age and that makes it SO more special. In that week it was very clear for me to re-start this blog and write my stories/experiences/activities in English, because I have some good reasons for it:
* Sharing is Caring <3
* I've been through years of illness (mental, physical) Like "been there, done that"
* I never gave up
* How hard it was, for 95-99% of the time I looked to the bright sight of life
* I discovered that a lot of things I did/create during my long time of rehabilitation were (very) mindful so why keep it for myself if I could help another with :)
* Everyone knows anyone who can use a bit of (extra) sun rays
In the last 3,5 years that I'm recovering from Walking Problems/Burn Out XXXL/Conversion Disorder I found so many things, joyfully sparkles in a dark period of my life. My life changed mindfully. I really like to share this creative & spiritually journey with you.
So I will start. When a memory pops up in your mind, and another will follow, and another, and another, they won't be very chronological. Freedom is the word :) The time is now! Autumn 2014 it is! Now I clearly realize that I didn't have much information about me, about life in general when I became ill in spring 2011. I couldn't walk anymore, I was exhausted, totally overstimulated, and the only thing I knew was "I need a big change in my life but I really don't know how". My legs just stopped walking because this is the only way to show me how necessary it is to change. That was a real hard lesson, but earlier signals I just didn't understand the right way. And I knew that this (recovering) would take a lot of time because of the big change.
Picture this: A very busy colorful creative bee that crashed on the couch and the only she could do was look at the clouds and see how the orchids on the window will start flowering, and that for months ...
After 6 months of 'couching' I had my first appointment with Jos, a very special psycho-therapist in Den Bosch. And in that hour everything changed. This is what he said to me: "There is nothing wrong with you. In your life people told you so many bullshit, and you believed that, you couldn't do anything about that, but you became your illness."
And he told me something else "Your golden time starts now, you have the unique chance to write a new operating system for yourself, in your own pace/tempo, so there will be no more blue screens in your future" And I was very grateful for those words.
Over 3,5 years I collected some wisdom, about myself, about life, about love, about emotions, about inner peace, about how big my heart is, about give the answer NO to a question and so much more!
The difference is clear in these 2 pictures, spring 2011 and spring 2014 <3
In the first 6 months of my illness this picture helped me through <3
Till next time!
Love, Peace & Happiness
Marieke
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